Eliminating the Distractions

It's the last Wrestling night of the season for Bozeman's Little Hawks (1st through 5th grade). My third grader is soon to be for his first match; all four of his older brothers are volunteering as table workers and referees on other mats to avoid the appearance of a conflict of interest.

Since these guys are all from the same group, mostly, there are no coaches mat-side. Just the occasional dad. I've coached this particular son in two of these previous year-end extravaganzas, and been his baseball and football coach since he was six. It's almost his turn and my wife nudges me: "you better get over there; he's almost up".

I casually walk to the far side of the gym. Not every dad is as competitive as I am, and some who are just in this for the "fun of participating" (which I've always thought was politically-correct BS) may resent my active participation in my own child's success.

I kneel on the floor at a distance that I hope looks more like I'm spectating and cheering than actually coaching. The current match is almost over; my boy's turn is coming up. I call him to me.

I begin going over our strategy for this first opponent. Three sentences in he hold up his hand to stop me.

"Papa, Finn (his next older brother) says not to have you coach me. He says you're a distraction. I can do this on my own. You should go sit back down by Mama."

What do I say?

"OK, buddy. Good luck!"

I'm hurt, but a little impressed. When I explain to my wife and friends what he said they all laugh; no one harder than my friend who's same-age son just gave him the identical speech. (Did they cover this in practice?)

My boy wins his first match by pinning his opponent in under 25 seconds. Take down, half-nelson, roll him over, scoop the head. He's never wrestled this well! His second match goes the same way, almost scripted.

And that's it. My days of mat-coach are over. He's got a gold medal and I'm totally unneeded. He's outgrown me (at least in this capacity). He's worked hard and deserves the credit.

Too often at work managers get over-involved. Some places it's called micro-managing. They worry that without their input the poo's going to hit the fan; or worse, that it won't. If an employee succeeds without them, then they worry that they'll be identified as unnecessary instead of receiving the credit for the training, supervision, and help they've given to this success story. And, in too many cases, they're right.

The key is to take your time that is freed by independent and successful employees and make yourself valuable in other ways. The best choice is to go learn how to do your boss's job. If you're at the top of the ladder, improve your skills, increase your client base, turn your attention to other ways to grow the company and improve the other, weaker links.

Don't throw a pity party and don't become the distraction that keeps others from succeeding. Instead look for new opportunities; new wrestlers to coach.